Previously posted on Beguine Again.
I have spent the past three weeks working on something I never expected to follow through on. I am rewriting the times in my life that have had the biggest impact on who I am and why I am that person.
Obviously I can`t really rewrite things that have happened, but I can rewrite what I learned from them. I can look at the most hurtful things objectively and see that so much of what caused me pain wasn`t the actual event. It was about what I told myself and what others told me about the circumstances.
It`s cognitive therapy at its most basic, and yet I know that I always believed that the lies were set in stone. I thought I couldn`t change anything about them. Silly when I think of it, but the past has held me back way too long. I have to go through each one of these painful situations and see the lies for what they are.
I never thought I`d have the courage to face all these things again. I`ve spent years trying to bury them. I dealt with most of these situations in therapy, but it`s not the same thing as going back to them and digging up bones alone.
Then I remember. I haven`t been doing it alone. God nudged me to go back there. God is there with me in the past, even when I couldn`t see or feel the spirit and presence. God is with me here in the present as I relive some of these situations. God is with me in the future. Even though my view of God has changed, God hasn`t changed and never will.
During the times I looked for someone that would stay with me throughout the hard times and the good ones. I already had that Someone. It was God.
I hope it`s true for you, no matter what your definition of God or the Universe is.