I am a recovering People-Pleaser. I knew this would eventually come out. I don’t try to please people who read what I read. I try to please my partner at all costs. I even try to please the 2 dogs and 4 cats we are the guardians of. What does it look like? If my partner wants to rearrange the furniture in the living room, I say yes, that’s good, even if I can’t see the TV from where I’m sitting. I even try to please them by getting up and letting them out, even though they’ve just gone out five or ten minutes before that time.
Why do I try to please other people? It’s not up to me whether people like me or not. I don’t have to try to make them like me? All I have to do is “do me,” and if the person or people I am with or writing to can choose their reaction. When I write words for other people to read, I’ll probably never know what they think of what they’re reading. I might get a review on Amazon or I might not. Again, I have no control of that piece.
So to be completely free from worrying about others’ reactions, I have to do three things.
1. Remember that “I” and “They” are separate from one another. They will think differently, they will like different things. They may not always express their feelings in respectful ways. Take the best, and leave the rest.
2. Remember that if the person you’re trying to please is someone you know and love, that person is separate from you too. They often feel they have a right to express an opinion, whether they do or not. See #1. Take the best, and leave the rest.
3. Remember you have an opinion. An opinion about you is something that needs to be recognized and heeded. An opinion about you from someone else is something to hear, take in, and decide what you want to do with that information. You are not entitled to change you or your behavior because of your opinion.
I do have control of how I act in all situations. No one makes me react a certain way because of their words or actions. I really have to learn to “do me” at all times, and that’s the very best I can do. I spent a long time learning this lesson, so I have to hold on to it.
The lies in people pleasing are
1. One person’s opinion is not more valuable than another.
2. I have to pretend to make others happy.
3. Everyone has the right to an opinion. Everyone has the right to disagree with respect.
I do have control of how I act in all situations. No one makes me react a certain way because of their words or actions. I really have to learn to “do me” at all times, and that’s the very best I can do. I do have control of how I act in all situations. No one makes me react a certain way because of their words or actions. I really have to learn to “do me” at all times, and that’s the very best I can do.
Finding Our Voices Together 