To the People in My Life

I have lingered among every bit of Prince memories that I could access for the last two days. As a friend just mentioned to me, it might be veering toward wallowing. I accepted her words because I figured out earlier tonight that I’m not just grieving for Prince. I miss the person I was when he was part of the soundtrack of my days. No doubt I was happier, more carefree.

I don’t do “adulting” well at all. I will be 49 in a few weeks–everyone knows what comes after that. I miss the friendships that used to be so easy to develop and miss my ability to make friends and keep them. I miss feeling competent and that I had a work in the world that was set apart for me. I can’t find that feeling anymore, and it hurts. I don’t feel worthy of so much of what others accept as their due. I want that feeling of success, but I no longer know how to find it.

Who am I? I’m not sure I know anymore. I’ve left so many different pieces of me along the way and hidden others that I’m not sure what’s left. I miss the people who loved me. Most of them don’t anymore, and I miss that simple connection that let us see the real person.

I need people to see the real me. I need friends. I want to find myself again.

 

 

 

 

 

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About lana1967

I'm a Southern girl at heart who wants to build a community of people who believe they can change the world with words like "love" and "freedom" when they become more than words, but actions in our work and our daily lives.
This entry was posted in community, depression, music, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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