I’m in the middle of a LOT of transition right now. Trying to figure things out is enough to make my head swim. I’ve been listening to 70’s music lately, and memories of many simpler times run through my head. Even though some of those times didn’t seem so simple, there was a kind of purity in the complexity of what was going that shone through when songwriters tried to capture feelings in music.
Much of my life was shadowed by fear. Fear of screwing up, fear of making someone not like me, fear of being who I was. Many years after this song was popular, someone pointed out a simple truth I had heard in it for years and never really internalized.
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” My friend pointed it out to me on a day I had gone to the mall and gotten my ears pierced. A small victory over fear, but a victory nonetheless.
It’s been almost twenty-five years since that day.
I still fight against being afraid most of the time. I don’t like being scared, but if it’s going to be a constant presence in my life, I’ve decided that it’s time to start living the truth I learned that day. When I feel like I have nothing left, that gives me the kind of freedom to make choices without worrying about the opinions of anyone else but myself and God.
I live with fear, but maybe one day it can become a friendly companion. Having nothing left to lose makes life easier in so many ways. I have to put my trust in God because there’s not much left.
The beauty of having nothing left to lose is that I’m starting to lose my inhibitions about writing. I’m starting to rely on it. Maybe I’m even starting to dive deeper with my words because it doesn’t matter so much anymore what people think of what I say. That HAS to be a good thing. Doesn’t it?
I think I need to think more about diving deep. Maybe that will be tomorrow’s post.